Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
