I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
