Heybabeimwearingurpanties
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
