Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
