i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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