In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
