Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
