So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
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I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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