you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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