Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
