party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
is wine microwaveable?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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