Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It's Friday. Sex?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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