I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Watching her eat just hurts me
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
