just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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