So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
third nipple confirmed
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
