Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
