The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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