This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
