RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
