My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
