So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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