It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
