I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
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Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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