Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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