I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
