I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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