i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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