Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
