drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
