A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
