i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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