well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
