this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
