Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
