Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
