How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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