i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
