we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
