are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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