Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
