party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
