youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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