I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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