My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
