Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
