WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
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