Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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