I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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