it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
