I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
