but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The power of my boobs compel you
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
