What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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