Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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