No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
