I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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