Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
