My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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