The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Actions speak louder than pants.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
